Living without love: Day 1, Week 1

Kevin Lomax: What about love?

John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate. (Devil’s Advocate, 1997)

I definitely agree that chocolate is a source of love, just like any good meal. Why is it that whenever you see morbidly obese people on Reality TV, and they examine what they have been eating it is always endless servings of boring fatty rubbish? It’s cause it tastes damn good that’s why. I sometimes wonder if the consequences of eating badly outweigh the pleasure of eating badly? In my last blog I commented about my addiction to sugar and how I want to try and curb this. I have set myself a challenge to try and achieve 1 month without artifical sugar or processed foods. I am depriving myself of a lot of artificial chemical happiness! Here starts my month without love.

The Rules I am calling this a ‘Food Experiment’ as I am not cutting out all sugar, just artificial sugar and most processed food. I will still have processed food like yogurt but it will be 0% fat Greek yogurt with no added sugars. Even though bread is processed I will still have whole grain bread because there are so many health benefits. I will only have a maximum of 2 slices a day. I will still eat sugar but only natural sugars from fruit. I am going to describe my first week and if I succeed I want to try and go 1 month without sweets, alcohol, processed foods, ready meals, sugars or artifical sweeteners. I am also allowed the odd coffee but no sugar at all. I want to limit to having 2 coffees a week. Mondays I need a coffee just so that I don’t murder everyone I encounter.

Day 1: 23rd January 2017. I have just had a banana and strawberry smoothie for breakfast and don’t feel that bad. Check out the Domestic Geek on youtube for great smoothie ideas.I am still reeling from Sunday night though where I had my last jambylia with garlic bread, cookies and diet coke. When I ate my last dinner it felt like I was in  Texas death house the night before my sentence. Diet coke is what I will miss a lot, that caffeine hit gets me through many an evening and the sensation of carbonated fizz is quite a nice sensation. Why am I dedicating so much time to fantising about the fizz in a soft drink? This will be hard. I drank my Mid morning coffee very slowly to savour it. I think Friday will be my other coffee treat day. Thankfully there are no biscuits or sweets in the kitchenette. I have made a bet with everyone at work that if I am seen with anything I shouldn’t have it means I then owe them £10. Whoever rats me out wins the money, like some bad food version of George Orwell’s ‘1984’.

For lunch I have had a tuna sandwich with cucumber (no mayo) with some dried fruit and a clementine. The Tuna sandwich is drier without the mayo but the cucumber is helping to keep it moist. The vending machine is in view and the chocolate bars are all lined up like beautiful tasty soldiers. Did that sound a bit too gay for a straight man to say? Perhaps I’m gay and this is how I found out. What a weird way to come out? Mum, Dad I’m gay… I found out in just under 5 hours after trying to eat healthily! They say that people who go without sugar can have considerable mood swings. Some pig has just taken 2 chocolate bars and a packet of crisps from the vending machine to shovel into her fat disgusting face after she polishes off a cheese role. Hope she chokes on it, stupid hippo. As I sit here now, I wonder when the sugar wihdrawl mood swings will start.

It’s now 17:56 and I feel quite hungry. Where I would normally have diet coke, I have a glass of water.  Where I would normally coat my stir fry in sweet chilli sauce that is replaced with reduced calorie soy sauce. There is also no dessert waiting for me after dinner. I am now boring myself with this blog, so I cant imagine how bored you must be! I am not going to write this daily because it will be much of the same, and I don’t want the reader to commit suicide. According to my calorie counter I am just under 1,200 calories. If I keep this up I should surely lose weight and get healthier? Or die of malnutrition? Hopefully not. If you’re reading this then please comment ideas for me or comments I need a distraction from dreaming about food.


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